Day 1, 5:50 pm: We are riding in a car. It’s really weird to be in it instead of dodging it. I am getting the sneaking suspicion that I used to be able to drive one of these. That, too, involved dodging other cars.
Day 1, 6:00 pm: Went to a “restaurant” and Mom is paying, so I can get whatever I want. I think I used to like ribs before I had the ones that the campus makes. Maybe I will try those.
Day 1, 6:30 pm: RIBS ARE THE FOOD OF THE GODS.
Day 1, 7:00 pm: On the way home. I am now almost definitely sure I used to drive cars.
Day 1, 9:30 pm: Car rides are sooooooooooo boringggggggggggg.
Day 1, 9:45 pm: Cars move so fast!! We’re home!
Day 1, 9:48 pm: At school you have to flush the toilet rapidly 3 times to make it work. At home, if you do that, the plumbing gets really angry.
Day 1, 11:01 pm: Wow. Today was exhausting. Good night.
Day 2, 3:47 am: Just kidding, the internet happened.
Day 2, 11:39 am: It is really nice to wake up at a time that is pretty close to noon.
Day 2, 1:37 pm: Even in leftovers, my mom’s cooking rocks. She must be some kind of wizard.
Day 2, 1:38 pm: Or witch, I guess.
Day 2, 5:30 pm: I used to eat dinner at like nine at night, but my college friends eat at 5:30 and now I’m hungry. Damn it, you guys.
Day 2, 6:10 pm: Holy crow, I made spaghetti! I must be some kind of wizard.
I guess it runs in the family.
Day 2, 9:08 pm: Apparently I am in trouble for not “loading and running” the “dishwasher”. Extremely confused. What is a dishwasher? What am I supposed to do to make him work? At school the dishes just magically disappear when you put them on the comically slow conveyor belt to the kitchen. Is that not how this works in the rest of the world? I thought college was supposed to prepare me for shenanigans like this.
Day 4, 11:09 am: Another late morning!
Day 4, 2:21 pm: Holy crapmuffins, wait, I just noticed this. What happened to Day 3? I was definitely awake, I just forgot to write it down. Let’s all just assume nothing interesting happened and move on with this frequently-updated and well-documented study.
Day 7, 10:47 am: DAMN IT.
Day 7, 10:51 am: I’m just going to write off the whole day right now and try this again tomorrow.
Day 8, 2:35 pm: My real friends are coming over today! So excited to see everyone from high school.
Day 8, 4:04 pm: Oh, crap. Just realized I’ve been referring to my home friends as “real friends”. As in, my college friends are therefore either fake or imaginary. Should probably stop doing that.
Day 8, 4:05 pm: My real good longtime hometown better high school friends are coming over today! REALLY frickin’ excited to see them, is what I’m trying to say.
Day 9, 12:09 pm: I have to do laundry today because Mom asked me to because I am a good daughter because honestly I ran out of pants—but that’s okay, because I definitely remember how to do that! Unlike these mystical dishwashers, we have washing machines and dryers at college. To the laundry room!
Day 9, 12:10 pm: Whoops, forgot my ID.
Day 9, 12:11 pm: Oh, wait, I don’t need to pay for laundry here.
Day 9, 12:15 pm: The machine is making grumbly noises, so I’m gonna go ahead and assumed that everything’s in order here.
Day 9, 12:52 pm: Do you hear… beeping?
Day 9, 1:07 pm: Okay, I almost definitely hear beeping.
Day 9, 1:22 pm: Where is this infernal noise coming from?
Day 9, 1:37 pm: When I find the source of this wretched high-pitched beeping, I swear to Aslan I’ll
Day 9, 1:38 pm: Oh, wait, I figured it out. It was just the laundry. Got it all under control (in the dryer) now.
Day 9, 2:38 pm: EEEEEAAHHH! Why is the dryer so angry at me?
It’s like the air conditioning unit from Brave Little Toaster.
Day 9, 2:58 pm: Oh. Usually I’m not around when the dryer at school goes off; I just come back an hour or four after I put the laundry in and pick it up. Now I guess I have to fold the clothes—this might take a while.
Day 9, 8:58 pm: All done!
Day 9, 9:03 pm: Stop judging me. Okay, so I’m not domestic. At least I can maintain a diary/blog/thing.
Day 24, 1:34 pm: CRAPMUFFINS.
Day 24, 1:48 pm: I give up.
***
Anyway, guys, clearly I missed the timing, but Merry Christmas. Look, I even designed you a sweater for next year!
Courtesy of this rockin' website.
